YE OLDE CRAP CURES FOR PAIN

 

SPOILER ALERT: I am still in pain!😑

I feel exhausted by 9 years of searching for a way to relieve my pain...and the truth is that whilst Science has put a man on the moon, it has still not found a way to solve chronic pain ( or created a bra that is genuinely comfortable, for that matter!) With this in mind I thought I would look at the feasability of some old-time remedies.

It was not THAT long ago that Doctors ascribed any medical complaint experienced by a woman to be caused by an 'hysterical-womb.' Men did not fare much better ( read Samuel Peyps' s account of having kidney stones surgically removed, if you don't believe me.) So here we go with a not- entirely-serious-look at ye olde crap cures for pain ( and please don't try these at home!):

1. Biting on a rag/piece of wood. The trade mark pain relief of ship/military surgeons of the past for everything from childbirth to amputations. BETTER THAN SCREAMING ...BUT ONLY FOR THE SPECTATORS.

2. Leeches. An oldie but a goody - for the leeches that is! Whilst molluscs feast on your weakened state...don't expect to feel better in any way, shape or form. NOT GREAT(UNLESS YOU'RE A LEECH).

3.' Bucking up'. I am unsure as to the verb in this sentence, ( to buck?). For anyone born this century, this is a version of Keep Calm And Carry On, but said by someone who has not staggered in your shoes. For those of us who developed Chronic, long-  term M.E. through trying to 'push through' pain and illness, when our bodies needed rest. A HARD "NOOOOO!"

4. Laudanum. Used up until 20th century for many common  conditions, chronic pain, and...er...getting your baby to sleep. MORPHINE + ALCOHOL= A VERY BAD IDEA.

5. Tightening your corset for back or abdominal pain.Us Ladeez have such soft bodies that we need a whalebone corset to keep the blamange and fluffy kittens that we are constructed from, from flopping around. Only to be attempted if you enjoy that type of thing. Think of The Whales, people, and just don't. NO, NO, AND NO!

6. Going to 'take the waters' at a Spa. I have actually stayed at a Spa in Italy, which was more about vegan food, towelling robes and massage, than sulphurous drinks.  MISS!

7.  A mustard poultice on the afflicted areas- erm...definately NOT RECOMMENDED!, unless you want to add burnt skin to your problems. 

8. A simple (aka. flavour-less diet). I am British, so have been trying this one since infancy.😉 NOPE!

9. Carrying an Amulet. Back to Samuel Peyps again, who carried an amulet of a hare's foot to cure his colic. Such talismen were widely used, and at least the ancient version of a Gonk wouldn't actively make things worse. The hare's point of view was not recorded...😮 NEXT!

10. Having a baby.😮🙄 This is a classic piece of advice given as a way to fix painful periods, endometriosis, and yes also M.E!! It is hard to believe that this ever fell within the NICE guidelines of the time, ( this BS was still being shoveled as recently as the eighties), or indeed the agreed limits of the hypocratic oath. UNHELPFUL IN LITERALLY EVERY SITUATION.

However bad my day, at least I can give thanks that I am not smothered in mustard, with leeches hanging off me, and with a gallon of fart -smelling water to drink!

THANK YOU FOR READING AND SHARING THE CHRONIC ELEPHANT BLOG.