Most jobs have a few perks- you may get to do the odd photocopy, or might never need to buy Lego again ( sorry kids!) ;-)
However, being chronically ill is not a stroll along a beach on a sunny day. It is not your favourite ice cream sundae with sparklers in, or a baby smiling at you. It is hard to see the positives.Troubles really don't melt like lemon drops- unless you're on some pretty strong medication.
Being chronically ill, is like a day of heavy rain when your shoes leak. Like finding a letter on the doormat from the tax office, then having to go to a party where the food is crap, the venue cold, and there are only plastic spoons with which to eat the quiche ( Yes, sadly, I went to that party...).
Regular readers of this Blog will know that I am the 'looking-on-the-bright-side' kind of Elephant:
"I don't like to complain."
And it is true that amidst the suffering, the flare-ups, loss of income, relationship casualties, pain, breathlessness, barely seeing daylight, side effects from medications, deprivation of alcohol and tasty foods, the depressing prognosis, the complete lack of treatment, having to spend every minute of every day managing the whole shebang, and not being well enough to get out to get my frickin' teeth seen to by a dentist... for me, there actually are some bright spots!!
So here it is: The Chronic Elephant Guide to THINGS THAT ARE QUITE NICE REALLY, ABOUT BEING ILL aka. The Perks.
However, being chronically ill is not a stroll along a beach on a sunny day. It is not your favourite ice cream sundae with sparklers in, or a baby smiling at you. It is hard to see the positives.Troubles really don't melt like lemon drops- unless you're on some pretty strong medication.
Being chronically ill, is like a day of heavy rain when your shoes leak. Like finding a letter on the doormat from the tax office, then having to go to a party where the food is crap, the venue cold, and there are only plastic spoons with which to eat the quiche ( Yes, sadly, I went to that party...).
Regular readers of this Blog will know that I am the 'looking-on-the-bright-side' kind of Elephant:
"I don't like to complain."
And it is true that amidst the suffering, the flare-ups, loss of income, relationship casualties, pain, breathlessness, barely seeing daylight, side effects from medications, deprivation of alcohol and tasty foods, the depressing prognosis, the complete lack of treatment, having to spend every minute of every day managing the whole shebang, and not being well enough to get out to get my frickin' teeth seen to by a dentist... for me, there actually are some bright spots!!
So here it is: The Chronic Elephant Guide to THINGS THAT ARE QUITE NICE REALLY, ABOUT BEING ILL aka. The Perks.
- NO MORE OFFICE PARTIES- This is by far the best thing about being out of commission. I never really had a job I enjoyed, and can honestly say that watching colleagues get horribly drunk and embarrassing, whilst eating an overpriced turkey and sprout pizza, was indescribable. The worst case scenario occurred when I was 17: a fancy dress party. In the public library. With Librarians dressed as wenches, fairies, and Catwoman - and that was just the men. In a cold library after hours. 'Nuff said.
- LIBERAL PEEING: This will only make any kind of sense to you if you have done multiple jobs where access to the bathroom was limited and/or discouraged. At last I am able to follow the diktat of super-models and celebrities and drink a LOT of water. The ' Glowy skin' has not yet appeared but my kidneys are doing a happy dance.
- THE BIRDS AND THE BEES: In my younger years I thought that people who enjoyed watching birds flitting about, were 'saddos' ( I was busy wearing outsize suits with braces, and watching obscure Russian art films at the time. Pretentious? Moi?) Now I love to watch, not only birds, but also the local cats, dogs and the leaves changing colour on the trees. I am now literally slow enough in transit, to not only sniff the roses, but slowly stroke their petals, as well as follow the scurrying around of beetles, flies and ladybirds. Those little guys never fail to fill me with wonder.
- PYJAMAS! How I remember the delight on arriving home from a long commute and wrestling myself out of the instrument of torture constricting my torso ( a brassiere), and sliding into some roomy PJ's. Now I get to wear them all day, everyday...which is kind of a mixed blessing. If you are familiar with the concept of taking off your nightwear pyjamas and putting on your 'Daytime Pyjamas' then you will know what I mean. A spiffy dress and heels is but a memory.
- EVERY DAY IS LIKE MY CHRISTMAS. YAY! These days I don't have the stamina to shop in person. Everything I need has to be bought online, so there are often packages being delivered. The best part of this is before they are opened, when I can't remember what I ordered ( thank you cognitive problems!), and they look all exciting and mysterious. 20 seconds later I am the proud owner of some glue, vitamins, and a bag of wet wipes!
- WRITING THIS BLOG. As previously stated, I don't like to complain, I LOVE it! I submit my 63 previous Blogs as evidence! When I used to write and illustrate my own magazine as a child nerd, little did I know that something called the Internet would mean, that from under my duvet I could type some old tat, and you would be kind enough to read it from wherever you are...
Thank you for reading, sharing and supporting THE CHRONIC ELEPHANT BLOG.
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