In 1956 a 'B' picture was released. The Invasion Of The Body Snatchers has become something of a cult classic. The plot revolves around small town America being invaded by an invisible force that completely takes over the bodies of the locals, and consumes their lives. The town becomes inhabited by lifeless, listless characters unable to engage with their everyday lives and relationships...
For those of us living with M.E this all seems rather familiar...
Prior to becoming largely bedbound, (for the second time), I was ' able' ( although far LESS able than I thought), to work.
I hid my pain medication, I painted on a smile as I was forced to miss everything other than work ( and often to miss work itself for weeks on end). I was the (barely) walking- wounded, spending every available minute in bed, and sleeping on my journey home.
The 'elephant in the room' was that my body had again been taken over by M.E.
I existed (as many do), with willpower driving my depleted body on and on. There was a huge cost to this subterfuge...and eventually my body broke me.
My illnesses were INVISIBLE no longer...denial then grief started to blow through my life like a tornado... but I have come to be relieved that the pretending was over.
Today, I have no need of a lanyard to tell people I am sick: my ashen face, mobility aids and big bag of medications make it blindingly obvious!
Doing a lot of life-drawing has given me a great respect for how unique and special every body is, regardless of its ability to function, or its shape and size.
The theory is simple but the challenge remains: how to honour the limitations that illness and age have imposed upon my body, and still feel like myself.
Can the body that I have resented all my life become my friend?!
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