GUEST BLOG: LEE - LEARNING TO CRAFT A GOOD LIFE WITH CHRONIC PAIN

Lee is a special person. When I first found a pain forum, I was as scared and confused as it's possible to be, and was not yet ready to come to grips with the fact that the pain was going to be ongoing. Life felt unendurable. Lee was kindness itself, his reply to my forum question, showing the compassion and empathy that I have since seen him show to so many people, posting, because their pain has driven them to the point of desperation.
I was thrilled when he agreed to be a guest blogger for The Chronic Elephant, and to share his journey in finding ways to live a better and fuller life with chronic pain.  He is an artist ( and has kindly allowed me to illustrate these 2 Blogs with his drawing and painting, leatherwork, and woodcarving), and an enthusiastic advocate for Mindfulness and CBT.  Here in his own words is his story, which is both moving and at times, poetic.Take it away Lee!

I have lived with chronic pain from nerve damage for nearly 23 years. My pain started when I was a rear seat passenger in a car doing 80mph, which went to overtake another car who suddenly decided to turn right, and tried to slow down and hit the other car and spun out as a lorry doing 60mph hit where I was sitting and went over the top. so Basically I took the full force of the accident, in which I nearly died. I came away with a badly fractured /dislocated pelvis, and l4/5 disk protrusion amongst ribs etc, and had to be operated on.

I was supposed to be off 18 months...but I went back to work on light duties too early, and collapsed after about 2 weeks. I was rushed in again and had fusion l4/5 to s1. The surgeon went ballistic at me..well that's youth for you they never listen.

 My problems today started with persistent pain from nerve damage, then over the years I started having trouble with joint problems, and arthritis. I was doing ok but at that point after coming off some pain killers, chronic persistent pain started from nerve damage. Over the years I started having trouble with SIJoint problems, and arthritis. It was impossible to go back to work, and my previous lifestyle, so my GP signed me off permanently.
 
The constant pain had put me in a deep hole. I was just existing from one day to the next.  I had had physio, nerve ablations and injections, and had exhausted the knowledge available at Pain Management. Almost everything had short lived results or hasn't helped, and I do not want to be walking around zombified from medication.

With the pain came mental health issues. Years of pain had made me numb to good and bad things. I had put up a barrier between myself and the world, thinking that nothing could touch me. It is the easiest thing to slip into...and the hardest things to dig yourself out of. I had issues from childhood, and it wasn't until my wife pointed it out to me that I knew something was going on. I had counselling for clinical depression, but a year later was still feeling suicidally depressed. My GP then referred me to a CBT Therapist. During our sessions I learnt to deal with some anxiety, and she then offered me a place on a course to learn Mindfulness.

For the first 3 sessions, I thought this is a bit 'hippy-dippy' and I nearly gave up, but managed to stick it out, and was glad I did. Initially I practised  2 or 3 times a day, but over time I learned to do it whenever I felt I needed it.  Most days I do a 3-10 minute meditation, but if it is a particularly difficult day, then I do 40 minutes. I find it improves my mental health and helps me to concentrate.

 Mindfulness teaches me to take care of myself, to notice the things that nourish me...and the things that are draining. There are aspects of life I cannot change ( pain being a big one!)

" However bad I am feeling, thoughts are not facts."

Before CBT and mindfulness, I felt like a coke bottle that had been shaken up and was ready to blow. Now the cap can be loosened gently, which releases the pressure in a controlled way.

Now, when I hit a brick wall and feel like banging my head up against it, I have learnt that behaving like that, will actually increase my sense of negativity and helplessness. I have found that by meditating in these situations, I can make a mindful decision to treat the situation and myself with kindness. Acceptance is a big part.

 

 

I look at life like this: in the beginning there was silence and a stone . The stone is like us in some ways- just another stone but also unique. Through time the minutes, hours and years we began to form and were carefully shaped in the darkness. Shifting sand, churning seas and the fire of the earth, were all there was. Slowly the earth cooled and fire was soothed by waters.  The sand began to settle and formed together in layers, liquids crystalized, and you became yourself shaped by the elements and the slow, unstoppable movement of earth. The darkness lifted, and gave way to LIGHT

Now here you are - complete in shape and form, lying on the surface in the warm sunshine. There are lots of other stones like you, yet we are all different. Some stones are smooth and polished, some rough and coarse on the outside. Some beautiful, some plainer. Some feel worn down, others battled with knocks they have received. Some are tough- others so fragile they might break.

All stones are like your and, but also different from you.  They only show one face, but what is inside them, ( the cracks, the crystals, and some brightly coloured), are unique. Detail or beauty is only apparent if you look closer .

Now, I pay deliberate attention to thoughts and sensations, without judgement. Acceptance: that this is how you are NOW, is a big part of living.

Yes, the Mindfulness has a great impact on my life.
I would advise anyone in my situation to make a Mindful decision to treat the situation and yourself with kindness  and in a non-judgemental way.



In the final part of Lee's Guest Blog, he will write about how Art and craft help him live better with chronic pain.

IF YOU ENJOYED THIS BLOG, YOU MIGHT ENJOY THIS ONE: MEET PATRIC BLOSSOM- LIVING CREATIVELY WITH PAIN