THE OLD ELEPHANT LEARNS NEW TRICKS- MINDFULNESS 4 HEALTH PT. 4

Exercising with ME is like playing football with a broken leg...or going out into the snow when you have hypothermia. Make your choice of metaphors: Physical activity ALWAYS makes me sicker... 

 

 "How EXACTLY is a person with M.E .expected to do EXERCISES?! ARE THEY MAD??!"

I was a tad annoyed with A) myself, and B) the course, when I arrived at the MINDFUL MOVEMENTS section!...and was horribly flared-up for days after.. Yes, Part 3 this means you!!!

 Students are encouraged to write an online diary entry after each meditation, this was what I wrote:

VERY UNHAPPY AND FRUSTRATED. MY INABILITY TO DO THE MINDFUL MOVEMENTS HAS MADE ME FEEL EVEN WORSE ABOUT MY HEALTH...AND I AM FEELING EVERYTHING IS POINTLESS. I JUST WANT TO GIVE UP, AM SICK OF HAVING TO WORK THIS HARD FOR SO LITTLE...SPENT THE WEEK FLARED UP WITH PAIN, MIGRAINE AND ME SYMPTOMS. THIS IS NOT LIVING.



I followed that with  a nearly hysterical email to Breathworks, explaining that I have M.E. and I am REALLY SICK and...
I AM NOT ABLE TO DO EXERCISES!
At this point I wanted to have an excuse to give up- this course takes a lot of effort...and frankly I would rather watch Bake Off reruns.

The response was patient and kind: The purpose of these extremely slow and minimal movements, is to build awareness of the body: where tension is, where pain is ( is it still or moving?), how am I breathing whilst I move? AND very importantly it was up to me to decide how much or how little of anything I engaged with.

 

I am almost halfway through this self paced course, so it is a good moment to reflect on how it is going.  Each day,( or rather as often as you participate), you are encouraged to meditate twice for 10 minutes following the led meditation that pops up when you click ' Continue Training.' In general the technology is minimal and works for even a numpty with brain fog like me.

There is no pressure to go at a particular speed ( very M.E friendly!), and there is good support via email and a list of (anonymous) FAQ's from other students. Each meditation is encouraging me to discover what is 'helpful for me', rather than ticking boxes. There is also a weekly life task. for example: noticing throughout the day where you feel resistance, or how you are breathing. There are also resources to teach you to pace. As I have already done an Online Course in Pacing, and have limited energy, I have opted to omit this.

 

A week after the diary entry at the beginning of this post, I entered the following:

 I NOW UNDERSTAND THAT THE POINT OF THE MOVEMENTS IS NOT 'WORKING OUT'. MY BODY FEELS MORE ALIVE AND FLUID AFTER, AND I DID MUCH BETTER TODAY AT NOT GRIMACING OR HOLDING MY BREATH AS I MOVED.

Meditation seems to be something that you have to be prepared to continue to work at ( hence the term 'Practise'!). Meditation experience in the past had not in any way prepared me for the challenges of being mindful, whilst feeling really ill and in awful pain. Some days any meditations are impossible/unpleasant and that is something I and Breathworks are accepting of.

THANK YOU FOR READING AND SHARING THE CHRONIC ELEPHANT!

 ( There are 3 other posts about doing this course:
Mindfulness For Health. Breathworks Online Course Pt. 1
Meet My Lungs:Mindfulness for Health Pt 2
We Need To Talk About Colin:Mindfuness for Health Pt 3. )