During the two daily guided meditations I am doing on this course, I am often instructed to focus on my breath. In response I seem to do one of two things: a) gulping air like a guppy, or b) holding my breath as if I've fallen into a lake and fear I am about to drown.
I have been inhaling and exhaling automatically with reasonable regularity for over 50 years...so why oh why is it SO difficult ?!!!
Ok...so, let's be honest- my lungs and I have 'previous', that is to say that since they first 'kicked off' during a school hockey match- we haven't had the easiest of relationships.
The ups have been spectacular highs: the sniff of sea air after recovering from bronchitis, being able to open a window after months of not daring too because of the cold air, the smell of roses, the ocean, or baking (not to mention the fact they have kept me alive for the last half century! Aw- thanks guys!! )
The lows: having to sleep propped up, feeling as if my lungs are Liliputian sized and about to burst, not being able to talk, laugh, or sing for weeks on end, and watching the scores spiral downwards on my peak flow meter...AND feeling anxious due to not breathing properly.
Asthma is stressful. Really, really stressful. I feel grateful on any day I don't need to think about my lungs.
If they are not the most relaxed pair, then I can't exactly blame them. They have lived on a diet of steroids, stress and antibiotics for decades, and they enjoy the limelight as much as I do....hence their squirminess at being 'watched' during my meditation.
The challenge of this course, is to move TOWARDS the discomfort, pain and illness, when I am more used to blocking it out with activity.. Boxset anyone?! Ebay?!
Meditation is just NOT EASY...and it doesn't get that much easier the more you do it. It is called a 'practise' for a reason: practise is what you are going to always have to do, because you are never going to be an expert.
Today has been a pig's ear of a day- after a rough night, lousy pain and ME symptoms...and enough noise throughout the day in the house and outside, to make me unbelievably grouchy.
Meditating for only 10 minutes is very much easier than anticipating 20 minutes, when you are feeling as rough as a hedgehog's backside. Today, despite really not feeling like it, I have managed to meditate!! I can meditate flat in bed or partly propped up. This has depended on which one of my symptoms is shouting the loudest:
Lying down for asthma... BADDDD!
Lying down for pain....G-O-O-D!
After each exercise I write on the online diary the course provides. It has proved quite cathartic ( in other words, MUCH moaning and bitching about life, my body, and the weather. Brexit will surely get a mention at some point).
10 days in, and so far..so good(ish). I am enjoying the routine of twice daily online meditations. Overall, after meditating, my brain feels better able to manage my medications...which is a good job. As I finish this I can hear the neighbours upstairs starting some noisy DIY...
I have been inhaling and exhaling automatically with reasonable regularity for over 50 years...so why oh why is it SO difficult ?!!!
The ups have been spectacular highs: the sniff of sea air after recovering from bronchitis, being able to open a window after months of not daring too because of the cold air, the smell of roses, the ocean, or baking (not to mention the fact they have kept me alive for the last half century! Aw- thanks guys!! )
The lows: having to sleep propped up, feeling as if my lungs are Liliputian sized and about to burst, not being able to talk, laugh, or sing for weeks on end, and watching the scores spiral downwards on my peak flow meter...AND feeling anxious due to not breathing properly.
Asthma is stressful. Really, really stressful. I feel grateful on any day I don't need to think about my lungs.
If they are not the most relaxed pair, then I can't exactly blame them. They have lived on a diet of steroids, stress and antibiotics for decades, and they enjoy the limelight as much as I do....hence their squirminess at being 'watched' during my meditation.
The challenge of this course, is to move TOWARDS the discomfort, pain and illness, when I am more used to blocking it out with activity.. Boxset anyone?! Ebay?!
Meditation is just NOT EASY...and it doesn't get that much easier the more you do it. It is called a 'practise' for a reason: practise is what you are going to always have to do, because you are never going to be an expert.
Today has been a pig's ear of a day- after a rough night, lousy pain and ME symptoms...and enough noise throughout the day in the house and outside, to make me unbelievably grouchy.
Meditating for only 10 minutes is very much easier than anticipating 20 minutes, when you are feeling as rough as a hedgehog's backside. Today, despite really not feeling like it, I have managed to meditate!! I can meditate flat in bed or partly propped up. This has depended on which one of my symptoms is shouting the loudest:
Lying down for asthma... BADDDD!
Lying down for pain....G-O-O-D!
After each exercise I write on the online diary the course provides. It has proved quite cathartic ( in other words, MUCH moaning and bitching about life, my body, and the weather. Brexit will surely get a mention at some point).
10 days in, and so far..so good(ish). I am enjoying the routine of twice daily online meditations. Overall, after meditating, my brain feels better able to manage my medications...which is a good job. As I finish this I can hear the neighbours upstairs starting some noisy DIY...
...Inhale...Exhale....Inhale....Exhale...Inhale...
TO BE CONTINUED!
THANK YOU FOR READING AND SHARING THE CHRONIC ELEPHANT BLOG.
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