The End of the Beginning: My 4th Disability Anniversary

There are times when writing a Blog is great...and times when life  is a barely functioning shambles, and I'd prefer not to be shuffling it into the light of public gaze.


October 28th 2017 was the latter..



 When I Blogged about having a 'Disability Anniversary'  I received some very thought provoking and reactions- for which I am grateful.

I appreciated your heartfelt feedback, and have thought afresh about the fact that for all of us the onset of getting ill is probably up there with life's shittiest experiences...and that for some this had involved life and death situations. The word celebrate can feel like a sad joke...but, as I had resolved to do it- I did it! This Blog is about my 'celebration' attempt.

 

You will remember that I planned to mark the 4th anniversary of when I had first begun to be DISABLED.I had treated myself to sparkly nail polish...had planned to make a ' cake'( of sorts)...and had been given a nice glossy magazine to enjoy on The Day.  
Oh...and I had blogged about it in advance and told you that I would be celebrating/commemorating four years of being out of action..

The week before, and with my treats assembled I begun to realize that I might NOT be up to reading/watching/doing nails on the day.

 In short, I was flared-up! 

If you don't know what a flare up is, then imagine being rather weak and ill but able to talk, to watch a bit of tv, and to walk to the bathroom...
..AND THEN ....

...Waking up and not being able to do any of these things . Imagine being too ill to watch tv, or speak much. Imagine pain soaring, concentration levels dipping..and feeling as if you have the worst flu all the time. Imagine being too ill to sit up in bed for more than a couple of minutes, imagine your body being hyper sensitive to foods and your skin getting painfully sore and having migraines that go on for days.. And then think about all the other dominoes that are toppled by the crashing down of the functions I have mentioned: 

 I thought about the past four years: the ridiculous comments people have said to me, the struggle to be diagnosed,  the humiliations and disappointments....but I also thought of my new life as disabled artist ( and now Blogger! ),new people who have flooded into my life, some of whom have become great friends...  and the old friends who have chosen to stay on this journey with me. I thought of all my fellow artists struggling on with disabilities and pain.  I thought of how The D Word- disability is something I wear with pride now, rather than the shrinking horror with which I first greeted it. 

I am still adapting and it's not easy, but easier than it once was. As Churchill might have  said to me:


"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning."



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