I have received so much support, kindness and inspiration from my friendship with other people who are developing their creativity, whilst coping with chronic pain or illness.
So, my thanks go to Patric Blossom for sharing his story and his work, and writing this week's Blog:
Hello!
5
years ago I landed with a splat in the realm of chronic pain and
illness. Thinking Dysentery was something confined to the medieval
ages, I was shocked to find out it was alive and well and eating my
insides! It had eaten a hole through my intestines and what followed
was emergency surgery to save my life.
Over the next 11 months I had
multiple hospital admissions, enduring several operations, intensive
care stays, long term antibiotic therapy and a questionable future.
I was eventually assigned the category of ‘lucky
to be alive’ though I didn’t
feel lucky at the time, and was sent on my way. I was minus several
significant pieces of my small bowel and half my large bowel was
gone. My abdomen littered with scars. My surgeon said to give
myself time and you’ll be back to normal,
something I clung to for a long time.
Looking
back now, I think it must have been naivety in wanting to believe
that I could have escaped death more than once in 11 months and there
be no consequences. Sadly I have learned there has been many. Today
I have what can only be described as a shopping list of long term
health issues, one of which is chronic visceral pain; a form of
severe pain.
The
chest pain felt when someone is having a heart attack is visceral
pain. The pain of child birth is a form of visceral pain. Mine is
abdominal visceral pain. It fires through my body like lightening,
scorching and flaming everything it touches. My body spasms in tune
with the stabbing energy as fear and anxiety claws my mind; invisible
intruders dragging me towards a void.
Viceral Pain |
For
a few years my daily battle with pain was eased only with a cocktail
of strong opiates, nerve dulling medication, muscle relaxants and a
stoic attitude. I call that time my denial phase and life eventually
came crashing down into crisis when I realized I couldn’t
continue like that any longer. Feeling mentally and physically broken I
was referred to a ‘Living well with Pain’
course. I was introduced to mindfulness,
meditation and creativity.
Being
creative was something I used to do a lot in my school, college and
university days but full time work and demands of life had squeezed
it out of my life. Now I was being encouraged to reconnect with that
part of me. ‘Put your feelings into art’
one pain practitioner advised; so I tentatively
tried. I was quick to discover that I was able to loose myself in
the moment of being creative. Relief, much needed relief, calmed my
mind and body and I realized that the process of being creative provided
some comfort against the backdrop of suffering. As my confidence and
enjoyment of art grew I decide that I would attempt a picture that
reflected the emotional and physical pain I had endured and that had
overtaken me when I hit that crisis point. Words certainly do not
seem an adequate way of describing all that I have felt .
Sunset |
Creating art made me feel better, lighter, like the process of
documenting all those feelings into images was somehow releasing me
from their terror; I’d momentarily
escaped the pain and tormenting thoughts. I’d
rediscovered a way to express myself that made me feel so much
better. Art had suddenly given me hope again. I suppose it was only
natural that I then began exploring my body and life in art form.
I've tried doing prints of my scars, to
full blown reflections of the pain and fear that haunts my days. I’m
finding that art is helping me to get through the bad days.
Scars |
Even if
all I can do is lie on the bed, exhausted and hurting, I try to fill
my head with thoughts of artwork. How can I put that horrid feeling
into an image? What would that sensation look like if it is was an
image?
Rather than suffering with the pain, the pain is increasingly becoming a creative blessing. PB
Rather than suffering with the pain, the pain is increasingly becoming a creative blessing. PB
Husbands - reflecting on how our lives have become entwined, the mutual support my husband and I give each other and the energy that we gain from our union.
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If you enjoyed this Blog about being creative when you live with pain, you might enjoy this one:
Art is so powerful! Thanks for sharing this essay and art. It's so expressive and compelling. It speaks to the journey we take when pain is a major part of our path.
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