Wednesday, 8 February 2017

My Relationship With Trousers- It’s Complicated.



Ah!- you can’t live with them, can’t live without them...a woman needs a pair of trews like a fish needs a bicycle. Alas, this elephant won’t be pulling on some spandex for a spot of off- roading anytime soon...but, I DO need fabric to cover my legs.

I am not going to use this space to bemoan the state of my legs, but despite the appearance ( averagely unfit person/elephant of middle vintage), they FEEL so much bigger. I can’t lie, my legs and I- we have issues….and as for my backside, I could write a novel on how complicated it is for me to sit these days. So, trousers/leggings/pj bottoms and their crotches, seams and waistbands and I have a love/hate relationship. That is: I would love to wear them, but I hate how uncomfortable they make me feel.

In addition to having ME I am also a Chronic Pain veteran. To those of you who have not experienced the joys of this, here is an edited version of Chronic Pain FAQ’s-

Yes, I am in pain all day every day for 95% of the time,
yes, I have pain every day,
yes, you can have pain that you get for no reason,
yes, there is pain that Drs just can’t understand,
Yes, I do take pain killers- lots of the ****ers!
there is no medication that completely gets rid of the pain, you can have enough opoids to knock out a brontosaurus and you will still be in pain. To get pain free you would need bucket loads of morphine and some sedatives washed down with a flaggon of Brandy...and you would be asleep.
no- exercise makes it worse not better, and I don’t want to speak to your pilates teacher/chiropractor/Shaman.
yes, I have tried various solutions/remedies/regimes/doctors/diets etc.
and voila! I am still sick and in pain, and poorer….
no, I am not a freak: sadly there are millions of us across the world in similarl positions.

Anyhew: having said all of the above, the main site of the pain is pelvic, lower back, middle back, sciatic nerves and buttocks- aka those glutes are NOT going to be happy if I try to drag a pair of jeans over them. I also have ‘ME pain’ throughout my body which makes me feel ghastly.On a bad day even looking at my underwear hurts. So it’s baggy tracky bottoms all the way in this house- although as I have to lie on a heat pad most of the time, it is better if they are cotton otherwise I am sweating like Black Beauty.

I haven’t given up on finding something trouser shaped that can be comfortable, but until then I rotate the usual unattractive suspects until I find ‘The One’ - crisply tailored work trousers having been consigned to the charity shop where some wardrobe- hungry lady, will buy the archeological remains of a life once lived.

Trousers- can’t live without them, can’t live comfortably with them. Not so very important, but not insignificant either….I mean: I can’t wear these fig leaves for ever ;-)



3 comments:

  1. Sympathies. I've taken to wearing long skirts instead, so much more comfortable round the nether regions. Jan

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  2. Oh you made me laugh! Hello from a fellow trackie bottom wearer. I've taken to wearing harem pants/trousers made from soft cotton jersey with elasticated waists (preferably flat rather than puckered). I get my mum to alter the waists sometimes, and she's coming over tomorrow to discuss my latest trackie bottom design for her to make with fabric I bought online! Skirts and dress are such a relief...roll on summer.

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